


Rain

by iamgizy (saddle_tramp)



Series: Wrapped 'Verse [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/iamgizy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing: Sev/Harry, Sev/Lucius<br/>Rating: PG-13 for language and drug use</p><p>Summary: This is part of my AU series Wrapped Around His Finger, set sometime towards the end of Harry's first year as a teacher. It was inspired by a LiveJournal entry made by Apetslife... She was talking about a dream she had and said, "Justin's in bed, running a lazy hand up and down Lance's side and hip, making listening understanding sounds, but really just watching the way the raindrops on the window make liquid patterns in the light on Lance's skin."</p><p>My first thought was Sev/Lucius and Riders on the Storm, in a storm. My second thought was my favourite Moby song, the instrumental Rain, and Sev/Harry. My third was bringing them all together.</p><p>Then it insisted it be written like this, which was totally different from what I saw when I began and has almost nothing to do with the borrowed bunny that inspired it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain

 

Severus sat down at the desk in his study with a contented sigh, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes as he relaxed. He could plainly hear the soothing sound of rain on the Quidditch pitch, which had become a near-constant view on the tapestry near the door, and the soft noise was just enough to keep the silence of his rooms from becoming oppressive.

 

It had only been in the last few months that he grew to dislike complete silence, but dislike it now he did. Harry's voice, laughter, and even his breathing had become such an integral part of his rooms that Severus no longer enjoyed them quite as much when it was absent. After a few minutes he reached idly for Harry's mind, as he usually did when he was alone these days, and he smiled when he immediately felt a wave of love.

 

Harry sent him a mental image of about a dozen fifth year Gryffindor and Slytherin students clustered around a table. They all had what Severus recognized as their Defence Against the Dark Arts books in front of them, closed, and were all looking expectantly at him. The image faded away after a moment and then Severus received another image, this one of Harry's hand writing quickly on a piece of parchment in his neat but rather childish print as he sent Severus a wave of amusement.

 

.:.

 

 _I should be done in half an hour if they paid attention to Remus the first time he covered the material. Knowing this lot they did, they're quite determined to get more OWL's than Draco and I did. It's become sort of personal to them, trying to prove that Slytherins and Gryffindors studying together can do better than the best of either did studying separately._

.:.

 

Severus chuckled, sending amusement and love as the image faded away again. Harry sent him an answering wave of love and happiness that was tinged with anticipation before he put his attention back on the class and let their bond fade to the back of his mind again.

 

Severus smiled to himself as he did the same, wondering what the students thought of he and Harry's ability to 'pass notes' without ever having to actually pass on the note. Almost three months ago, Ginny had caused a minor riot in Potions by 'accidentally' turning Severus purple, and she had thought she got off scot-free when he just told her to get out of his sight. She had grabbed her things and hurried from the room only to find Harry waiting by his office door with a detention slip that involved a toothbrush and the dirtiest suit of armour in the castle.

 

Ginny had complained about them passing notes quite vociferously since then, but none of the other students seemed to be brave enough to do so. They were all being extra careful around Harry and Severus instead, sure that if one did not spot them doing something wrong the other would, even if he was not in the room at the time.

 

Dumbledore and McGonagall both had finally noticed this new ability just a few weeks ago. It had happened during a staff meeting, when Harry and Severus had wound up sitting at opposite ends of the table. They were 'passing notes' out of sheer boredom, and Harry hadn't been able to keep from laughing at something Severus 'said'.

 

McGonagall had been pestering them about the ability ever since, wanting to know how long it had been since their bond deepened to the point they could send detailed images. Harry and Severus had agreed their bond was no one else's business though, and didn't share details as a rule, especially not when someone was being nosy.

 

They were quite enjoying playing dumb every time McGonagall brought it up, which of course annoyed McGonagall to no end and made her even more determined to get the information. She concentrated on Harry, since she knew Severus would happily ignore her, but Harry had picked up a few of his mate's habits and seemed to enjoy sparring with her.

 

After a few days of McGonagall practically stalking Harry, Dumbledore had quietly cornered Harry and Severus in Harry's office one evening after a Potions study group. He had tried to tactfully dig for information then, disguising his curiosity as concern that their bond was beginning to chafe and suggesting that they might want help limiting it. Harry and Severus had found that idea _very_ amusing, and when they finally stopped laughing they reassured Dumbledore that they quite enjoyed it. That forced Dumbledore to come right out and ask how much the bond had developed since their commitment.

 

Severus had responded by asking if Dumbledore had cast a spell on them without knowing the result it might have, and Dumbledore had been so taken aback by that suggestion that he had immediately denied the possibility. That, of course, had freed either of them from having to answer, much to Dumbledore's obvious chagrin.

 

Dumbledore had not actually asked them again, but Remus had let them know Dumbledore had been asking anyone they were close to about it, which amused Harry and Severus to no end. They didn't share the details of their bond with anyone but each other, seldom bringing attention to it and usually even blocking it for the most part when they weren't alone, so it was unlikely Remus or Sirius could tell Dumbledore much about it.

 

Severus chuckled to himself again, pushing away his thoughts as he finally opened his eyes again and reached for the left hand drawer of his desk. He lifted out his battered old journal, which had been a present from Lily the first Christmas he had known her, and flipped it open as he laid it on the desk. He reached into another drawer for a pot of ink and a quill and set them on the far side of the journal as he looked down at the book. His eyebrows went up in surprise then as he saw it hadn't opened to a blank page, and he began to read the entry out of pure habit, getting lost in a memory of a time that truly was a lifetime ago.

 

.:.

 

 _December 24, 1979_

 _I've not written quite some time and I don't recall the largest portion of the last week, but I'll jot down what I do as it comes to me. If I make no sense, it will be because of all the weed smoke lingering in the flat from Lucius' latest attempt at making brownies. He'll be high for days after he wakes up I think; walking into the kitchen right now is very like walking into the cafe down the street on a Saturday night._

 _We've just returned from spending a bit over a month on a pub tour of Britain and a good portion of Europe. We went with David, Iggy, and a half a dozen Muggle musicians, both of us passing as Muggles most of the time and enjoying every minute of it. They had quite a lot of groupies on tour this time, (males and females, and some I didn't look closely enough at to tell) and anyone who was a friend of David's was treated as a minor deity._

 _I must confess I quite prefer the way we were treated on this tour to mucking about with that punk group Lucius was so enthralled with before I went to study for my Mastery. David himself is the most fun, quite a bit smarter than most Muggles and knowledgeable about our world. Iggy... Well, let me just say that when he sings, " _I wanna be your dog_ ," he quite means it, and leave it at that. I very much enjoyed watching Lucius attempt to coax Iggy out of David's collar one night not too long ago. It was most amusing to see Lucius try all of his best tricks and have Iggy tell him David could do better each time, looking as smug and satisfied as only Iggy can while David and I laughed at them. It's not often anyone can take Lucius' ego down a notch without angering him, but he worships David and Iggy. He has been on the receiving end of their attentions often enough to at least suspect Iggy was telling the simple truth._

 _(Personally, even though I love Lucius and would never tell him this, I am inclined to agree with Iggy. There is nothing quite like being the object of David's affections; the man is even more intense and energetic in bed than he is on a stage, as impossible as that may be to imagine.)_

 _David and Iggy both quite like Lucius' talents as a bottom boy, and credit me for 'training' him because I so seldom bottom for anyone but Lucius. I doubt that Lucius told them that, but he has allowed them to believe it and I have gone along with it because it is much preferable to admitting that I have never taught him anything about sex. They both seem to think I have a bit of talent there myself, and kept pushing my limits with new things, such as Dom/sub play. It was rather odd for me to have someone like Iggy ask me to dominate him for the night, but I must admit that once I relaxed into the idea it was quite enjoyable. I am flexible, but I firmly believe that Iggy hasn't got a single bone in his body. He can turn himself into a pretzel without effort and enjoys sex in unusual positions. He also prefers to exhaust his bedfellows, whoever they might be, so it was a very good night for me even though I've still not figured out what the lure of such rigidly defined sexual roles might be. I much prefer a relationship between equals, or those who are nearly so._

 _Lucius disappeared with Iggy and David for the last two days we were with them, saying goodbye, but I didn't feel left out. I had a simply divine boy treating me like a god just down the hall. He was slim and beautiful with strawberry blond hair and lovely green eyes, and he was willing and enthusiastic about anything I desired. His name is some unpronounceable Dutch thing, but he asked me to call him Nico and wants me to get in touch with him anytime I 'm lonely. I think I shall. I believe he's the sweetest boy I have ever had the pleasure of bedding, and he reminded me quite a lot of Lily._

 _Needless to say, Luc was exhausted when he finally emerged from David and Iggy's room early yesterday morning, but I had taken a Pepper-Up potion towards the end of my rather enjoyable weekend with Nico so I was wide awake when we Apparated home._

 _I spent most of yesterday sitting on our bed here in the flat in Amsterdam, my back against the headboard as I idly toyed with Lucius' hair and watched him sleep with his head pillowed on my thigh. Rain was beating against the roof and windows so loudly I could barely hear the familiar sounds of _'Riders On The Storm_ ' playing in the background, and the sounds of the raging storm outside somehow fit into the music as though it was meant to be listened to like that. It might have been, I suppose. Morrison often did unusual things with his music._

 _It isn't often I have the chance to just watch Lucius sleep though, especially not when I'm so very wide awake myself, so I was quite content to just sit there and enjoy the time to be with him yesterday. Time with him has been rather rare, especially over the last few months, so much so that David commented on us not spending more time together not too long ago, asking if I thought Lucius and I would be an 'item' forever._

 _As much as I wanted to say yes, for some reason I could not. David seemed to understand. He held my hand and said he had only asked because it did not feel to him as though it would last very much longer. He wanted to be sure that I had time to treasure what I have with Lucius before it ends._

 _That hurt, desperately so. Even though David assured me that Lucius hasn't told him that he was tiring of me, I know he is right and that I could all too easily lose Lucius to someone else. Sometimes I feel I am already beginning to. Lucius is quite content to do many things without me now that even a year ago he would have insisted I participate in, or at least watch. I feel sometimes as if I am on the outside of his life watching him, instead of being an integral part of it as I used to be..._

 _Enough maudlin meanderings. They serve no purpose other than to ruin what has been a rather enjoyable afternoon, and will ruin my memories of the most serene, peaceful morning I can remember if I dwell on them now. This is why I don't like to smoke up nearly so much as Lucius does; as often as not I get depressed._

 _A change of topic... The weather is always a decent one, I suppose. It is still raining, and would be quite chilly if not for the warming charm Lucius cast on the hearth when we came in. He was too tired to set a fire and would not hear of allowing me to do it (I had to get naked and play pillow for him or he was going to attempt to kick my arse) so he took the easy way out. He does that quite a lot, something I have tried and tried to tell him is a waste of his power, but he never listens._

 _Of course, he hasn't listened to me much at all since he married Narcissa. Some days, I could cheerfully go over to Dumbledore’s bumbling fools just so I could put and end to our Lord for telling Lucius to wed that girl. She is still in a snit because Lucius refuses to bed her while she is pregnant, so she has been attempting to discern how much of his money she can spend on redecorating Malfoy Manor. Her taste is quite atrocious, leaning heavily towards obscene displays, whether ones of wealth, power, or what she considers sensuality._

 _Obviously, she did not fall very far from the Black family tree._

 _Lucius and I had quite a lot of fun making the portion of the Manor that we used more enjoyable to live in after his father died, but Narcissa seems to have completely reversed our efforts and then some. Lucius commented to her last night when we popped over to get a few things that his rooms quite remind him of a bawdy house here in Amsterdam now. She went nearly purple with rage, which she directed at me when I laughed, telling him yet again that she wanted his 'paramour' out of 'her' house. Lucius laughed at her, as usual. He finds her pretensions to be amusing more often than not, even though she's quite an annoying wench._

 _Of course, the real reason she is so angry with me right now is because the only rooms she has been forced to leave alone are mine. I warded them so that only myself, Lucius, and Dobby can enter them. Dobby has been instructed by Lucius never to let anyone know he can get through my wards, so Narcissa is blissfully ignorant of the fact Dobby has free run of the house and property, as well as the flat here. He is Luc's favourite elf, and has been since Luc was a child._

 _Dobby is quite young for a house elf and has only been out of the nursery for seventeen years, but he is completely devoted to Lucius and usually reliable, though he is a bit overzealous. The only truly odd thing about him is that I have never heard him mention me by name. The only time I asked him about his refusal to mention my name he almost had an apoplexy, and then proceeded to beat himself against the nearest wall until I forced him to stop. I suppose Lucius must have given him some sort of directive about not talking about me at some point and never reversed it. I should ask him about it, but I somehow always seem to forget._

 _Ah, I hear the stereo; Lucius is finally awake again. He is playing the Doors, so there's no doubt what sort of mood he's in. I had best end this before he decides to come 'light my fire' and lights my journal too._

 _Again._

 _SS_

.:.

 

Severus read the last page of the entry three times before he swallowed hard and looked up from the journal, sitting back in his chair. He stared at the pouring rain in the tapestry by the door, wondering why he had not recalled that Dobby was Lucius' favourite elf before now. That seemed rather odd to him and he began searching his mind, trying to remember knowing Dobby when he was younger. He soon realized that he could only recall a few foggy little things, including the fact Dobby had never called him anything but 'sir' even after Harry had freed him.

 

The only explanation Severus could think of for such a large memory lapse was that he'd had a very strong memory charm cast on him. He was sure that no one could Obliviate him without his permission because it had been tried before, but he couldn't figure out why he might have allowed one to be cast on himself.

 

He realized after some thought that Lucius had probably cast the charm, since no one else knew him well enough to do so without his permission. It dawned on him a moment later that he might have written that down as well, and he looked down at his journal as he shook his wand from his sleeve and then tapped the page. "Dobby, Lucius, memory charm."

 

The pages began to flutter as the book looked for the first page with those words, and when they stopped Severus quickly leaned forward to read, his eyes widening as he read the entry.

 

.:.

 

 _September 27,1981_

 _Our Lord insisted that I prove my loyalty today by killing a member of the Order while under Lucius' supervision. It was Dearborn, a double-agent who was responsible for Fenwick's death, so he will not be greatly missed by either side. Afterwards, Lucius and I spoke for the first time in quite a while. The desire to hang on to my memory of Dobby has worn off completely, and he found himself wishing to forget my involvement with that bumbling old geezer and his friends._

 _The arrangement charmed us both, and then we said goodbye as we should have the first time._

 _SS_

 

.:.

 

Severus read it four times, wondering how he could have written the entry without triggering the forgetfulness of the charm or even breaking it. He finally decided that the spell must have somehow been planned around it. That they had done that, and that he had made a note of it in his journal, hinted strongly that either he or Lucius had planned the idea out very carefully.

 

Severus sat back again, trying to keep his mind firmly closed to Harry so that no images or feelings would inadvertently leak into Harry's mind as he searched for memories of the day he killed Dearborn, finding them much more easily than he expected.

 

Trigger words imbedded in the journal entry had evidently broken the charm completely, making the memories it hid suddenly vivid.

 

.:.

 

"Severus, we need to talk."

 

"I have nothing to say to you Malfoy. You watched me kill Dearborn just as our Lord wished, and I do believe he said I would be free to go afterwards."

 

" _Please,_ Sev. This is extremely important. We _must_ talk."

 

Severus was silent for a long while before he said quietly, "You have five minutes."

 

"Not here," Lucius replied quickly. "In front of the Blue Man."

 

"Very well."

 

They both Apparated then, appearing on the roof of Severus' Amsterdam flat and then entering through the roof access there after Severus took down the ward preventing Lucius' entry. Severus moved to sit down on his couch in front of a Wizarding version of the Blue Man painting as soon as they were in the flat, folding his arms across his chest and looking anything but happy. He seemed to ignore Lucius as he watched the oddly misshapen blue figure move slowly into different contortions against the blood red velvet background.

 

Lucius began to talk quickly then, gazing earnestly at Severus and trying to ignore the distrust, anger, and pain in Severus' face as Severus refused to meet his gaze. "Sev, if either of us were to be captured by the other side, we would both be ruined, if not outright killed. I want you to cast a memory charm on me to wipe my memories that you're working for Dumbledore, and let me wipe your memory of a few of my wards."

 

Severus was shocked enough by that suggestion that he looked at Lucius. "You expect me to let you cast a _memory charm_ on me?!"

 

"You can charm me first," Lucius replied, taking off his gloves and dropping them on the couch. He removed the simple silver ring he had worn for years then, one that Severus knew held most of his protection wards and more importantly would have to be completely respelled because it had left his finger. Removing the ring when he was not holding his wand left Lucius almost completely vulnerable to anything Severus might want to do to him. "I trust you," Lucius added then, looking into Severus' eyes.

 

"This is just another way for you to hurt me."

 

"No, Sev, it's not, honestly," Lucius replied, his pale blue eyes clouding over with pain. "I _never_ wanted to hurt you, but you wouldn't have followed your heart and gone back to the Light if I hadn't _made_ you leave me."

 

"You... I... _What_?!" Severus nearly leapt to his feet, he was so shocked.

 

"You heard me, Sevvie," Lucius replied softly, kneeling in front of him and reaching to take Severus' hand in both of his own while Severus was too shocked to fight him. "You were _dying_ inside. I had to stop it, no matter how much it hurt us. I could _never_ forgive myself if I let you turn into something like Bella."

 

Severus was silent for a long time, looking into Lucius' eyes as his shock slowly faded away, until he finally murmured, "I very nearly killed myself over you. I had the potion in my hands and would have done it had our Lord not chosen that moment to summon me."

 

Lucius closed his eyes, obviously pained as he swallowed hard and then whispered, "I am very, very glad that you didn't."

 

They were both silent for a while before Severus asked quietly, "Are you sure about the memory charm?"

 

"Yes. It's essential or eventually one of us will have to lie to him and he'll catch us. You _know_ how he is with lies. I don't want my memories to be responsible for your death, Sev. I don't think I could survive it."

 

There was yet another long pause then as Severus stared into Lucius' eyes, searching for something that hinted Lucius was lying to him. He found nothing but concern and fear though, and finally he sighed and nodded. "I will do it."

 

Lucius let himself slump with relief, bending to rest his forehead against Severus' knee as he whispered, "Thank you."

 

.:.

 

Severus remembered allowing himself to stroke Lucius' hair and hoping that after he had done as Lucius wanted there might be a chance for them to start again, this time as equals. It had only taken him a moment to realize that would completely undermine the need for the memory charms, and it had felt as though he was losing Lucius a second time. He loved Lucius, despite everything, and knew again that Lucius loved him, and still they could not be together. It was quite simply devastating.

 

Lucius had pulled away after a few minutes and asked Severus to perform the spell, and then Severus spent quite some time meticulously removing all of his memories of Severus' involvement with Dumbledore's spies. He remembered that Lucius had given him one last sweet kiss then, holding him for what seemed like hours before Lucius took out his wand.

 

It was rather eerie for Severus to remember the actual casting of the spell that had made him miserable for so many years. Lucius had worked quickly, knowing exactly what he was going after, and in a short time Severus' memory of the conversation, Dobby, and of how much Lucius loved him were gone. Lucius had implanted belief that he had simply toyed with Severus most of the time they had been together and used him for his knowledge, leaving behind remembered bitterness and hatred. He had added the trigger words to break the spell and the compulsion to write the journal entry and then never to think of it again as long as Lucius was alive.

 

Severus had done just as the spell dictated and never thought of it again until today, just over a year after Lucius' death. He felt a sudden stab of pain then, his newly-remembered love for Lucius making the thought that Lucius was dead more painful than it had been at any time since Lucius died. He had loved Lucius almost as much as he loved Harry when that memory charm was cast, and to think of Lucius' death now was almost as painful as contemplating Harry's would be.

 

"Sev, love, what's wrong?"

 

Severus opened his eyes quickly, blinking away tears and inhaling sharply as he turned his head to focus on Harry, who was kneeling next to him.

 

Harry was obviously quite upset and looked more than a little bit worried as he rested one hand on Severus' knee and the other on the arm of the chair. "You blocked me out just before I sent the students off to bed, then I got this feeling you were hurting... What happened?"

 

"Something ... unexpected," Severus replied softly, moving his left hand to cover Harry's right hand where it rested on his knee. "An entry in my journal broke an old memory charm, and it was a bit overwhelming."

 

Harry moved his hand from the arm of Severus' chair to hold Severus' left hand in both of his. The sudden contact of them touching each other's rings melted away the walls between their minds, allowing Harry feel the sorrow and old pain awash in Severus' mind. "Would you like to talk about it?" Harry asked softly, sending Severus a wave of love and reassurance that made Severus' hand tighten around his.

 

"I would like to, yes, but later when it is not quite so fresh in my mind." Severus paused for several moments before he added very softly, "You were right about Lucius." Harry looked slightly confused, so Severus elaborated, "He-- He sent me away on purpose, just as you thought, because he loved me and wanted me to go back to the Light. He later convinced me to agree to a memory charm to protect me."

 

Harry smiled softly, holding Severus' left hand in his while rubbing the back of it gently with his other hand. "I knew you were too smart to love him so much unless he was worth it."

 

Severus smiled back slightly, his eyes shining with emotion as he searched Harry's eyes. He allowed the love and reassurance Harry was flooding their bond with clear away most of the pain he had been feeling before he finally spoke again. "I think you would have liked him, when he was young. The young man I remember now isn't the one I knew all these years. He _was_ good once."

 

Harry nodded. "Mother did, and she seems to have had a good head on her shoulders." His expression grew wry and a bit sad and then he added, "Except where my father was concerned."

 

Severus lifted his right hand to stroke Harry's cheek, looking into Harry's ever-changing green eyes as he whispered, "Love made her ignore the reasons that he was wrong for her, just as my love for you made me ignore the fact you were my student, the son of my best friend, and less than half my age."

 

Harry turned his head to kiss Severus' palm, then turned back to look up at him again, rubbing his cheek against Severus' hand with a soft, loving smile. "None of the rest matters, as long as you love me."

 

"You are such an innocent," Severus murmured, smiling slightly as he stroked Harry's smooth cheek with his thumb. Harry smirked suddenly, and the wicked glint in his eyes made Severus chuckle slightly. "But only about some things."

 

Harry raised up on his knees, still smirking as he leaned up to murmur against Severus' lips, "Come to bed and let me remind you know much I love you."

 

"Sounds heavenly," Severus replied, kissing Harry again as he cupped Harry's cheek.

 

Harry returned the kiss for a long moment and then pulled away and stood, tugging Severus’ hand. "Come on then, love."

 

Severus smiled and stood, leaving his journal where it lay on the desk and letting Harry lead him from the room. He knew that Harry's love would be able to take away the sting of sad memories more quickly than anything else he might try.

 

~The End


End file.
